The Hills of Bitter Proportions

The much talked about reality-tv drama show "The Hills," which airs every monday night, managed to, yet again, fulfill it's duties as cat-fight fueled entertainment. The show is in it's fifth season now, but the drama continues to be on a climactic escalade. The show is produced by MTV, but of course. The network has produced numerous reality tv shows aimed at teenage girls who have nothing better to do but live vicariously through the stars on the hit programs. The main character of The Hills, is Lauren Conrad. Conrad is an alumni of the reality tv world. Before starring on The Hills, Lauren Conrad was infamously known as LC on Laguna Beach. It is safe to say that Conrad's advances in the fashion and makeup industry be owed to her stints on these reality shows.

As I positioned myself comfortable in preparation of tonight's episode, I couldn't help but wonder how I chose this show over doing homework. It's on repeat every weekend morning, yet I found myself religiously following, every monday night. The opening of the episode gave it's usual recap of the previous, to help viewers pick up where they left off, for a smooth transition to the current episode.

The night's episode revolved around past loves, appropriately titled "I always had a little crush."
Audrina Patridge confesses to her group of girls that she has had a thing for Brody Jenner, which completely stupified her closest LA friends, Lauren and Lo. Lauren had previously dated Brody Jenner, so one would only assume that many questions darted around in her head.

The overall love affair, jealousy, and cheating, that this episode had to offer, retained the show's reputation of being the go to place for catfights and drama. There always seems to be someone stirring the pot in every single episode of The Hills. It wouldn't make sense not to have threats of breakups and cheating accusations, because that is the sole premise of the show.

Needless to say, the show does it's job well. You tune in hoping to be entertained by tensions between cool LA kids, and you do not leave empty handed. The Hills gives one, their weekly fix for unneccessary drama, that we could be lacking in our own lives, thankfully.

Overall, the show does a good job of pulling in viewers to feed off of the character's problems. It seems to turn viewers into loyal minions that are willing to duel in a verbal match between the show's frenemies. Will definitely tune in next week to get my drama fix.

Coffee With Emily Haines

L: What's your favourite drink from here?

EH: I would have to say... the Chai Vanilla Latte. They make the best ones in the city.

L: Mmmm that sounds good, I think I'll get that too.

L: So how good does it feel to be touring again?

EH: Prettyy stellar, we've had a bit of a long break since the last album, I can feel the excitement from all of our fans.

L: Yeah definitely. By the way, your solo album was what I listened to my entire summer. It was that good of an album.

EH: Aww thank you. That means alot to me, you have no idea. I basically poured my heart out for all to listen to, so I was kind of afraid for what kind of a response it would have.

L: I absolutely was in love with it. Every word had feeling and meaning behind it. I have to say you are one of the best lyricists in my opinion. Do you listen to Death Cab for Cutie?

EH: Yeah! They're actually one of my favourite bands.

L: Ben Gibbard is one of my favourite songwriters. He pens some of the most heartfelt lyrics, it's ridiculous!

EH: I actually met him once, he was a very kind and gentle kind of a guy. What you would expect him to be. A total sweetheart.

L: Mmmm, by the way, this Chai Vanilla Latte, pretttyyyyy amazing, I definitely will be ordering it the next time.

EH: Yea, it's really calming. I love this neighbourhood.

L: I didn't know about it until last week. Leslieville seems like a cool little area. I'll definitely be back.

EH: Glad to hear it :)

Smoke with Amy Winehouse

L: Do you have a light?

AW: Ahyea mate, hold up gimme a second...pshfkdfmmerrlll.

L: K sweet... what?

AW: Ere ya go, you gonna ave to push it a lil bit arder, you get what I mean?

L: eeeYup, got it, thanks.

AW: What are you doing round ere in foggytown London?

L: I'm on a student trip, we're staying across the street at that hotel.

AW: OhhhIseeeeferggddfaiii any time to sight see?

L: Ummm... Yea we walked by Big Ben this morning. It was cool.

AW: Eres this really good place to get fish and chips when you're extremely extremely smashed. Are you ungry by any chance?

L: A little bit, why don't you show me to this great fish and chips place :)

AW: My pleasure, follow me. (walks with lack of balance)

L: Whoa, are you good?

AW: Yea don't worry about it, I don't give a dfnsgjfggffmmf what they say about me on the tele and tabloid papers, you know?

L: Uh. Ya. Sure. Hey, where are you playing your next show?

AW: Round the heath, o'er at emm wha dyou call that place again? The peppa club, yar that's it.

L: Cool cool. I'll come check you out.

AW: Ere we are, come on inside, ave a seat.

L: I can't wait to eat.

Shopping with Lindsay Lohan

L: What do you think of this turquoise necklace Lilo?

LL: Uhhh, it's sort of last season.

L: Yeah... I ... was totally thinking the same thing!

LL: Do you think this shirt would enhance my ribcage?

L: Err... yea definitely. Are you sure that's your size, unless that's what you want..

LL: Shut up.

L: (looks down) whispers under breath: Bone rack.

LL: Grab me 5 of those gold chains. NOW!

L: Fiiinnnneeeeee.

LL: Ughhhh look at them waiting outside the store, don't they have something better to do?!

L: Well.. that's what you signed up for.

LL: I just wish they would go die.

L: You have your job, and they have theirs, that's life.

LL: Ok, let's go pay for all of this S***.

L: Whoaa... you have like half a store's worth of stuff.

LL: Your point?

L: (shrugs)

LL: 11,089.67 dollars? That's it? Wow, I am sooo under budget this time.

L: (baffled look)

LL: K let's bounce b****.

Dance Training with Britney Spears

L: Oh man, I'm really starting to break a sweat, I don't know how you do it Britbrit.

B: Well, initially I was huffin and puffin, but I've completely adjusted my body to it, you just have to get used to it. In a lil while hunny.

L: This move right here (Hand swing-leg kick combo), I like it. Did you come up with it?

B: Yea, I worked with Shane Sparks for the dance moves in the tour, and most of the choreography is a combination of mine and his ideas.

L: Well the dancing has evidently paid off, you have such a great body for someone who has 3 kids!

B: Thanks ya'll! I mean all the chasin around that I do with Sean Preston, and the other two fiesty characters, definitely keeps me fit!

L: Ooohh this song is my favourite off of Circus!

B: Turn it up ya'll! I'm glad to hear you enjoy it.

L: Hey, I got a glimpse of the costumes when I was perusing around the set, and I must say... tres tres chic!

B: Ohhh definitely! Dolce and Gabbana designed those for me, they have such a strong eye for things like that!

L: There was this bright red circus ring leader-esque jacket that I thought was absolutely exquisite!

B: That one is ma favorite! (beaming smile) I feel like I'm in control when I wear that one.

L: Do you think I could be a great performer like you when I'm older?

B: Well hunny, if you want it bad enough, and work as hard as you can, I can assure you that anything is possible (warm smile).

L: Gee thanks Brit, it means a lot coming from you! (A single tear runs down my cheek)

B: What do you say we get back to choreographing the next song? :D

L: I'm ready when you are!

Stupid Fun Becomes Big Regret

Let's see him try and get that off his car!

That teaches him to mess with us. I mean seriously, does he think he can get away with treating us like sh**.

This is perfect. Minus the rain of course. I hope the rain doesn't wash off all the eggs and the flour, and all the garbage. Hahahahah! I wonder when we'll stop running.

I'm kind of in the mood for a Starbucks. There's one around the corner.

Finally. I'm so out of breath. It feels like I'm coughing up a lung. And my socks are all damp. GREAT! I hope we sit inside for a while, I'm getting shivers.

I hope those cops aren't coming in here for us. They look like they're looking hard for something.
F*** they're walking straight towards our table. Play it cool. Play it cool. Deep breath.

Did someone call them on us? I didn't even see anyone around.
F*** I'm so screwed, my rents are gonnaaa KILL ME
VANDALISM?!!??! F***! If I knew I was gonna get into this, I wouldn't have done it

I'm so embarrassed. Are the handcuffs necessary? I mean really? We're just a bunch of dumb teenagers who trashed a dirt bag's car.

What am I gonna say when they call my parents.

Audience: Teenagers that want to exact revenge on certain people.
Purpose: To show the potential consequences that may occur from these crimes.

Revised Plans at the Carnival

Mmmm... this pie is surprisingly good.

Who knew carnival food would be this good.
There are sooo many people here today, well it makes sense since this is the last day of the CNE.
I wonder where Michael went. I hope he didn't get lost going to the men's room; I mean I did specifically tell him to meet me by the Merry-Go-Round.

What the... Is that a blimp? What does that sa-- Oh Goodyear.
Why is there a blimp hovering so close to the Convention Centre?

That b*tch bumped into me on purpose. I'm clearly standing here. She needs to watch where she's going.

Found him. Mike's got such a great smile. I wonder if he looks at me the same way that I see him.

I kind of want to go look at those jewelry stands... but Mike probably won't want to. Maybe I'll tell him to grab us some drinks and we'll meet back here.

Great. Now I can shop freely. Ooh. this wooden necklace is really cool looking. It's $60! Made in Africa... well I guess that kind of makes sense.

Sh*t he scared me. Great! It's all over my new blouse. What am I going to wear to dinner now?
ARghhhhhhh. Aww he feels so bad. good. that's what you get for creeping up behind me.

I'll just buy a shirt from this place. Nice beaded tunic for $20, why not.

Ann always does this, f*ck now it's just me and Michael going for dinner. Why can't she just stick to plans. Ann can go screw herself. I don't even know why Joe's still with her. She's seeing someone behind his back for Christ's sake!

Whatever. It'll just be me and Michael. Ann doesn't even like the place we're going to. No. we should go to her favourite restaurant, just because.

God, my calves are killing me, I wish someone could drive the car over to us, instead of trekking over to the parking lot. Actually, I think this place has a valet. Maybe next year.

Audience: 25-35 year old adults that relate to the adult carnival experience.
Purpose: To portray a woman's day in the life through her eyes at a carnival setting.