Watch flash videos on iPad.
http://www.macstories.net/tutorials/watch-flash-videos-on-iphone-ipad-no-jailbreak-or-apps-required/
Took some finagling but voila.
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Monday, July 16, 2012
Les Oysters C'est Damage Le Body.
At the Night It Up event, my mom was going on and on about finding some fresh, live oysters to eat. There only seemed to be one stand that was grilling an array of seafood. It ranged from Scallops to Razor Clams to Oysters, and some other shit.
I was really eager to try a raw oyster for the first time today, but that didn't go as planned.
My dad explained to me that it doesn't sit well with some people's digestive systems. Makes perfect sense, sushi doesn't sit well, spicy doesn't sit well, I get it, peoples have stomach sensitivities.
We watched the chef do his thing with the shells on the grill and my dad deterred my mom from ordering any because she has the biggest intolerence out of all of us.
He went on to explain from observation that the oysters were from polluted waters. That's when my interest piqued. He lead me back to the grill and pointed (not too sanitarily) with his skewer the edge of the oyster that was the colour of soot.
An oyster's diet is as follows:
"Shellfish farming requires no input other than providing a clean environment and limiting predation. Oysters are filter feeders: they obtain all their required nutrients by drawing sea water through their gills and filtering out naturally occurring tiny plants and animals called plankton. Oyster farmers therefore do not need to feed their stock, and rely solely on natural food supplies."
Via: http://www.aquaculture.ca/files/species-oysters.php
With that said, you are eating a carrier for all kinds of diseases and bacteria that fester in the water source that they are cultivated in. This is not some new food revelation. We grow vegetables in cow shit for fucksakes.
This is just another thing to be conscious of to prevent your liver (or is it your spleen...) from swelling and rupturing to the amusement of *insert body gore director name here*
I guess now I'm trying to find where the cleanest Oyters are farmed in Canada, and how I can get some in Toronto.
P.S.
I just remembered an episode of No Reservations in which Anthony Bourdain happily snacked on rice stuffed Oysters that were being sold on a boardwalk in Istanbul I believe the episode was... but the dude was selling them out of a wooden barrell, obviously no ice to maintain edible food temp, and more than likely handling the money and shucking open the oysters for customers. Mmmmmm... all key ingredients to the perfect stomach rumbling, esophogus purging, food poisoning cocktail.
I was really eager to try a raw oyster for the first time today, but that didn't go as planned.
My dad explained to me that it doesn't sit well with some people's digestive systems. Makes perfect sense, sushi doesn't sit well, spicy doesn't sit well, I get it, peoples have stomach sensitivities.
We watched the chef do his thing with the shells on the grill and my dad deterred my mom from ordering any because she has the biggest intolerence out of all of us.
He went on to explain from observation that the oysters were from polluted waters. That's when my interest piqued. He lead me back to the grill and pointed (not too sanitarily) with his skewer the edge of the oyster that was the colour of soot.
An oyster's diet is as follows:
"Shellfish farming requires no input other than providing a clean environment and limiting predation. Oysters are filter feeders: they obtain all their required nutrients by drawing sea water through their gills and filtering out naturally occurring tiny plants and animals called plankton. Oyster farmers therefore do not need to feed their stock, and rely solely on natural food supplies."
Via: http://www.aquaculture.ca/files/species-oysters.php
With that said, you are eating a carrier for all kinds of diseases and bacteria that fester in the water source that they are cultivated in. This is not some new food revelation. We grow vegetables in cow shit for fucksakes.
This is just another thing to be conscious of to prevent your liver (or is it your spleen...) from swelling and rupturing to the amusement of *insert body gore director name here*
I guess now I'm trying to find where the cleanest Oyters are farmed in Canada, and how I can get some in Toronto.
P.S.
I just remembered an episode of No Reservations in which Anthony Bourdain happily snacked on rice stuffed Oysters that were being sold on a boardwalk in Istanbul I believe the episode was... but the dude was selling them out of a wooden barrell, obviously no ice to maintain edible food temp, and more than likely handling the money and shucking open the oysters for customers. Mmmmmm... all key ingredients to the perfect stomach rumbling, esophogus purging, food poisoning cocktail.
Night It Up:Markham - Stanky-ass Tofu
I hit up the "Night It Up" event in Markham today, my cousin Andy happened to be working a stand with his buddies and doing "Asian Poutines."Super fun idea. Lobster & Cheese, Butter Chicken, Pulled Pork, Satay Beef.
Next to their stand was a Tokayoki stand which served these little squid battered balls. I saw them in an episode of No Reservations: Japan and didn't think much of them as I was watching. But here they were. So I had to. They were dressed with that infamous Japanese mayo, Bonito flakes (also a first) and Nori strips.
Pretty tasty. Dericious.
The real excitement was for the Stank-ass Tofu. I think sometimes my motto is "I'll try anything once." This tofu is infamous at chinese food-stand type events. The smell is unparallel to anything you've really smelled before in terms of food. When you walk past a stand it literally smells like that old, dirty, fat guy who sits at the front of the bus with his girth hanging out from the bottom of his t-shirt, and everyone knows he reeks but doesn't say anything but instead endures his refusal to take a fucking towel and wipe his ballsack. Yeah, that kinda smell.
Now you may ask, that's nice and all, but why would I want to put that shit in my mouth?
Like all worthwhile endeavors, there is never really a logical answer. You just do.
Basically, tofu is fermented for a long duration of time which turns its texture into something like a less condensed Feta cheese. My dad actually calls fermented tofu products, chinese cheese; makes sense.
So the tofu are cut in cute little squared off shapes, and then thrown into hot oil to get nice and crispy on the outside.
After which, they ladel a small bath of soy and garlic sauce and served with some pickled Napa cabbage.
Consensus of the Stank-ass Tofu experience... OVERRATED. I don't know if it's my tendency to build up completely out of this world expectations for things, or if in fact the tofu didn't meet standards they should have... we'll never know.
One thing is for sure though, glad to put that one behind me. But not really because I walked around the entire night with the stench in my clothes and hair, sorta like a clingy ex-boyfriend.
Next to their stand was a Tokayoki stand which served these little squid battered balls. I saw them in an episode of No Reservations: Japan and didn't think much of them as I was watching. But here they were. So I had to. They were dressed with that infamous Japanese mayo, Bonito flakes (also a first) and Nori strips.
Pretty tasty. Dericious.
The real excitement was for the Stank-ass Tofu. I think sometimes my motto is "I'll try anything once." This tofu is infamous at chinese food-stand type events. The smell is unparallel to anything you've really smelled before in terms of food. When you walk past a stand it literally smells like that old, dirty, fat guy who sits at the front of the bus with his girth hanging out from the bottom of his t-shirt, and everyone knows he reeks but doesn't say anything but instead endures his refusal to take a fucking towel and wipe his ballsack. Yeah, that kinda smell.
Now you may ask, that's nice and all, but why would I want to put that shit in my mouth?
Like all worthwhile endeavors, there is never really a logical answer. You just do.
Basically, tofu is fermented for a long duration of time which turns its texture into something like a less condensed Feta cheese. My dad actually calls fermented tofu products, chinese cheese; makes sense.
So the tofu are cut in cute little squared off shapes, and then thrown into hot oil to get nice and crispy on the outside.
After which, they ladel a small bath of soy and garlic sauce and served with some pickled Napa cabbage.
Consensus of the Stank-ass Tofu experience... OVERRATED. I don't know if it's my tendency to build up completely out of this world expectations for things, or if in fact the tofu didn't meet standards they should have... we'll never know.
One thing is for sure though, glad to put that one behind me. But not really because I walked around the entire night with the stench in my clothes and hair, sorta like a clingy ex-boyfriend.
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
Zucchini Blossoms
I went to the East York Farmers Market yesterday. It's held every Tuesday from May to October I believe.
Produce is more expensive there than at the regular chain grocery stores, and I spent a hefty portion of my pay a the market. But I'm pretty sure it was well worth it. The money is going directly to the farmers and the sellers. I hope.
.JPG)
I had always wanted to try making Fried Zucchini Blossoms but never knew where to get them from. And then I found them at the market! I'm curious to know if my old chinese lady neighbour has them, she has a great garden and is diligent with the maintenance. She also gives us some veg sometimes.
But here is the final product:
.JPG)
I asked the girl at the stand what to do with them, because they looked much tinier than I had seen on tv.
She recommended stuffing the flowers with ricotta, bacon, and garlic, or roasting them as is.
I didn't have any ricotta at home so I opted to use the lemon flavoured soft sheep's milk my sister had bought at the market the last time she went.
RECIPE:
Ricotta or some sort of soft cheese
Egg
Basil
Garlic
Bacon bits (ALWAYS REAL)
Salt-N-Pepa (As in Push it, push it real good.)
1) Mix and get a second pair of hands to hold open the delicate and wilty petals. They didn't hold very much, but still deece.
2) Spoon in a bit and shake the petals gently to get the good stuff to go further into the pocket.
3) Twist the tops and lay on cutting board.
4) I used a batter that we just have at the restaurant and thinned it out with some vinegar, water, and oil. But in a recipe in the interweb, it said flour & soda water, so I'm sure that's fine.
5) Gently roll the blossoms in the light batter and swish into the hot oil and let go.
6) Take out when golden brown and lay on paper towel to absorb excess oil, and sprinkle a bit of salt.
Serve with lemon, and some basil leaves.
DELICIOUS!!!
Produce is more expensive there than at the regular chain grocery stores, and I spent a hefty portion of my pay a the market. But I'm pretty sure it was well worth it. The money is going directly to the farmers and the sellers. I hope.
.JPG)
Zucchini Blossoms (raw)
But here is the final product:
.JPG)
Cooked and delicious.
I asked the girl at the stand what to do with them, because they looked much tinier than I had seen on tv.
She recommended stuffing the flowers with ricotta, bacon, and garlic, or roasting them as is.
I didn't have any ricotta at home so I opted to use the lemon flavoured soft sheep's milk my sister had bought at the market the last time she went.
RECIPE:
Ricotta or some sort of soft cheese
Egg
Basil
Garlic
Bacon bits (ALWAYS REAL)
Salt-N-Pepa (As in Push it, push it real good.)
1) Mix and get a second pair of hands to hold open the delicate and wilty petals. They didn't hold very much, but still deece.
2) Spoon in a bit and shake the petals gently to get the good stuff to go further into the pocket.
3) Twist the tops and lay on cutting board.
4) I used a batter that we just have at the restaurant and thinned it out with some vinegar, water, and oil. But in a recipe in the interweb, it said flour & soda water, so I'm sure that's fine.
5) Gently roll the blossoms in the light batter and swish into the hot oil and let go.
6) Take out when golden brown and lay on paper towel to absorb excess oil, and sprinkle a bit of salt.
Serve with lemon, and some basil leaves.
DELICIOUS!!!
The Lawyer
Another customer just went on a lawyer rant. Consisting of doing 5 (give or take) criminal cases, and if he looked aged.
The rant consisted of pieces relating to:
- A 6 month shirt is okay to wear for an accountant, but for a lawyer that shirt is considered old.
- Charter of Rights and Freedoms for Protection of ... lawyer's should have better health care protection.
- Who do the doctors call when they're in trouble.
- Farmers assist with births all the time but are unaccounted for. They bring baby cows to the world.
- Everytime you present your healthcard the doctor makes $70-80 regardless of even showing up for the appointment.
- One day, it'll be on the news, two lawyers duking it out for a case in the middle of a courtroom like two drug addicts for a rock of cocaine.
I suppose I could research into the depths of lawyer inequality.
Exploration - The Coach House
I have this customer who comes into the restaurant named Al. He really likes broccoli. He places his order and goes for 30-45 minute walks after ordering something simple like a Vegetable Fried Rice.
He has some of the most interesting ideas. Such as living on a boat. And some others I can't seem to recall at the moment, but when I do I am sure I will post about them.
This particular one is about the Coach House.
He previously mentioned it because Canadian author, Michael Ondaatje frequented the area of where the building is located.
I have no idea what my purpose for going is, but he told me to check it out but with the attitude that I have at work, which is obviously cool and nonchalant (partially joking, I'm an anxious mess most days).
This is Parkdale-tonian, Justin Rutledge playing my favourite song of his, which happens to be written with the help of Michael Ondaatje (In work citation to Globe and Mail article...). http://www.theglobeandmail.com/arts/music/justin-rutledge-teams-with-michael-ondaatje/article4314418/
Margaret Atwood actually tweeted recently about The Coach House. So that's like mad daps to the literary institution.
He has some of the most interesting ideas. Such as living on a boat. And some others I can't seem to recall at the moment, but when I do I am sure I will post about them.
This particular one is about the Coach House.
He previously mentioned it because Canadian author, Michael Ondaatje frequented the area of where the building is located.
I have no idea what my purpose for going is, but he told me to check it out but with the attitude that I have at work, which is obviously cool and nonchalant (partially joking, I'm an anxious mess most days).
This is Parkdale-tonian, Justin Rutledge playing my favourite song of his, which happens to be written with the help of Michael Ondaatje (In work citation to Globe and Mail article...). http://www.theglobeandmail.com/arts/music/justin-rutledge-teams-with-michael-ondaatje/article4314418/
Margaret Atwood actually tweeted recently about The Coach House. So that's like mad daps to the literary institution.
Women as Sexual Objects
Let's think about this some more sometime shall we.
http://thesocietypages.org/socimages/2012/07/02/sexual-objectification-part-1-what-is-it/
http://thesocietypages.org/socimages/2012/07/02/sexual-objectification-part-1-what-is-it/
The Arts & Letters Club
Once upon a time, when I was in the midst of dropping out of Ryerson University. I received an invitation to attend at Philosophy event a The Arts & Letters Club. It revolved around Careers in Philosophy and had guest speakers with a background in philosophy. Ranging from principles to dancers. I wasn't so much interested in the idea of how to find a fulfilling career that enabled one to have a background in Philosophy, but I went nonetheless. I suppose I walked away with something more than I anticipated I would; partially relating to working in the real world with a philosophical outlook. What I really remember about the event was the venue itself. What a beautiful street this building was on. What a beautiful building it was. It was in the evening and the few streets along the side walks were lined with trees that had Christmas lights (it was before/after Christmas)intertwined with the branches.
Upstairs in the room where the event was being held had easels with various paintings done by unknown individuals propped up throughout the perimeter of the room. On a slanted wall next to a window, there were small branches with flower buds dangling from a knotted string held to the wall with a strip of tape (something I had not thought of to do as a way to dry flowers).
Peeking out the window was the beautiful Elm Street with the sight I described previously. It was in a location just a short distance from one of Canada's busiest intersections, but in this building, you would never guess it.
From what I recall of the interior as I headed up the stairs, it's vibe was something like guests should be wearing crested red/green velveteen blazers with a glass of Scotch in hand. The staircase was laid with velvet runner (possibly completely off), if memory serves me correctly. The floor boards were creaky wooden panels.
Everything about it was nostalgic and filled with that kind of old spirit that historic buildings left in their prime.
Hopefully I can revisit and see what the building's true purpose is.
Quick Wiki read about the building:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Arts_and_Letters_Club_of_Toronto
-Image courtesy of blogto.com
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
History of ME!
100 years ago, my Great Great Grandfather came to Canada.
Majority of Chinese immigrants at the time were from Tai Shan
The Great Grandfather didn't bring family over.
Great Grandmother was murdered because someone was jealous because someone was sending money from overseas.
Communists went for anyone who had money, so it was during the Communist Revolution.
Majority of Chinese immigrants at the time were from Tai Shan
The Great Grandfather didn't bring family over.
Great Grandmother was murdered because someone was jealous because someone was sending money from overseas.
Communists went for anyone who had money, so it was during the Communist Revolution.
Passive Aggressive Mom Part I
INT. Evening - Communal dining table.
*Makes experimental Pad Thai to replicate the one from Sukhothai. Starts mowing down.*
What kind of noodle is that? (She's worked here long enough to know)
Is that Shanghai Noodle? Korean Noodles? (Since when do we run a Korean restaurant, for that to even be a possibility)
Does it taste good?
*Waving her over inviting her to taste*
No, I'm okay.
Subtext: That looks good, I don't want to outright ask if I can have some, but I want you to force feed me it.
*Pushes plate towards her.*
*Starts eating it.*
*Complains.*
The End.
*Makes experimental Pad Thai to replicate the one from Sukhothai. Starts mowing down.*
What kind of noodle is that? (She's worked here long enough to know)
Is that Shanghai Noodle? Korean Noodles? (Since when do we run a Korean restaurant, for that to even be a possibility)
Does it taste good?
*Waving her over inviting her to taste*
No, I'm okay.
Subtext: That looks good, I don't want to outright ask if I can have some, but I want you to force feed me it.
*Pushes plate towards her.*
*Starts eating it.*
*Complains.*
The End.
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
ANOTHER ONE JUST LIKE ME!
You know what I love about people?
How relate-able, loveable, and amazing they(we) are.
I had a wonderful smiley sunny day today. I handed in my drop out form, and the only sad part about it really was turning over my student card!
I don't know if it's the weather or what, but customers at the restaurant today seem to be overall very pleasant! Maybe I just have a different demeanour today because I woke up on the right side of bed. Anywho, the Vitamin D is doing the people good.
An adorable customer of mine, who is a girl in Grade 12 going into Science, popped by tonight for her usual order. She dismally mentioned she just finished a course, whilst on her March Break, bummer, yes, but she then turned the tables on me, and asked how my day went. I casually told her I officially dropped out today. AND HER EYES WERE LIKE SAUCERS.
You see as second generation Canadians. We have this immense pressure from our parents to create a life that they did not have and struggled to pave for us.
(Yes, this is not the first time you are hearing it, but I'm reiterating it hokay)
She then jumps to ask me "SO THEN WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?!"
To which I replied; "Culinary at George Brown"
Turns out she LOVES to cook and her dream would be to live in Italy for 6 months "PURELY to learn to cook"
I advised her not to run home and tell her mother "Lily at the store is dropping out to learn to cook, so I will too!"
It was adorable to see the sparkle in her eye when we talked about our goals and aspirations. She seems like a smart cookie, so I hope she follows her heart and doesn't get blinded by the riffraff on the sidelines.
Sayonara,
Lil
How relate-able, loveable, and amazing they(we) are.
I had a wonderful smiley sunny day today. I handed in my drop out form, and the only sad part about it really was turning over my student card!
I don't know if it's the weather or what, but customers at the restaurant today seem to be overall very pleasant! Maybe I just have a different demeanour today because I woke up on the right side of bed. Anywho, the Vitamin D is doing the people good.
An adorable customer of mine, who is a girl in Grade 12 going into Science, popped by tonight for her usual order. She dismally mentioned she just finished a course, whilst on her March Break, bummer, yes, but she then turned the tables on me, and asked how my day went. I casually told her I officially dropped out today. AND HER EYES WERE LIKE SAUCERS.
You see as second generation Canadians. We have this immense pressure from our parents to create a life that they did not have and struggled to pave for us.
(Yes, this is not the first time you are hearing it, but I'm reiterating it hokay)
She then jumps to ask me "SO THEN WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?!"
To which I replied; "Culinary at George Brown"
Turns out she LOVES to cook and her dream would be to live in Italy for 6 months "PURELY to learn to cook"
I advised her not to run home and tell her mother "Lily at the store is dropping out to learn to cook, so I will too!"
It was adorable to see the sparkle in her eye when we talked about our goals and aspirations. She seems like a smart cookie, so I hope she follows her heart and doesn't get blinded by the riffraff on the sidelines.
Sayonara,
Lil
SWIM AGAINST THE CURRENT
Time and time again I have the same argument with my [pa]rentals(mainly my father), about the time I'm wasting with the constant change of direction in my life.
I see it as priceless experience. How can you discount the experiences you go through that teach you and nurture you into the being that you are today?
Yes, I don't take the straight and narrow path. We have our conflicting views.
But once again, I preach "Gotta stick to your guns"
It's a lonely battle, and you have to stay strong and fight for what you believe in and love.
When life gets discouraging, don't second-guess yourself, keep on truckin on, and don't give up your hopes and dreams. Those are your reasons for living, non?
I know it doesn't help having conservative Chinese parents who want you to live a struggle-free life unlike the one they have experienced, but guess what, we all have to go through some obstacles in order to learn. Just remember, there are some things they just can't prevent you from and save you from.
It all comes down to you. And you have it in you. Just keep your head up, take deep breaths, and move past it.
I see it as priceless experience. How can you discount the experiences you go through that teach you and nurture you into the being that you are today?
Yes, I don't take the straight and narrow path. We have our conflicting views.
But once again, I preach "Gotta stick to your guns"
It's a lonely battle, and you have to stay strong and fight for what you believe in and love.
When life gets discouraging, don't second-guess yourself, keep on truckin on, and don't give up your hopes and dreams. Those are your reasons for living, non?
I know it doesn't help having conservative Chinese parents who want you to live a struggle-free life unlike the one they have experienced, but guess what, we all have to go through some obstacles in order to learn. Just remember, there are some things they just can't prevent you from and save you from.
It all comes down to you. And you have it in you. Just keep your head up, take deep breaths, and move past it.
Monday, March 12, 2012
GREEN SPACE DOWNTOWN PLEASE
Whilst taking the street car with my dad towards Union Station, I noticed how beige-brown and ugly the view out the street car window was.
Why doesn't Toronto have a beautiful Central Park.
How amazing would it be to head into the downtown core and sit in a beautiful park.
GET ON IT URBAN LANDSCAPERS.
Why doesn't Toronto have a beautiful Central Park.
How amazing would it be to head into the downtown core and sit in a beautiful park.
GET ON IT URBAN LANDSCAPERS.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Saturday, December 3, 2011
EAU NATURALE
Hello internet,
This past month has been quite hectic juggling school, work, and LIFE.
School has come to an end, with the exception of exams in the next two weeks, yay...
I am looking forward to playing a shitload of guitar, painting, and playing for the next semester, seeing as I have taken the school semester off; to I suppose find myself. haha
My friend Masa and I got together the other night for "studying" and what ended up happening was... nothing related... except I checked out what was to be expected on the exam. so yay!
We got into talks about politics and social issues, which I think would make amazing podcasts, because she and I have amazing deep intellectual conversations.
We also made an interesting lasagna... haha it was tasty but... interesting.
We are also planning on making homemade lipbalms/cheek tint with beet juice. with organic and all natural ingredients. yay!
Two nights ago, I started crunchybetty.com's honey face wash challenge, and I have to say, despite it being the 2nd day I've been doing it, I think I see positive results!
I've had a nice long conversation with the lady at The Big Carrot's beauty department about toothpaste, skin care regimen, and shampoo.
For the next two weeks, I am going to take up Crunchy Betty's face wash challenge, which consists of washing my face with raw honey. It also tastes delicious.
After I rinse, I spritz rose-water, and then moisturize with rosehip seed oil.
So far so good, and it's only day 2!
I have very blemish prone skin, and thus far, I've noticed that my face feels more supple and the rose water and rosehip oil seems to have a nice calming effect on my skin.
I will try and keep this up for at least 2 more weeks, I work better with short term goals, but at the same time, I don't see a problem with this new skincare regimen that I wouldn't be able to adopt it as a longterm thing.
www.crunchybetty.com
has awesome, wicked recipes for skin care, hair care, etc. to do with food!
This past month has been quite hectic juggling school, work, and LIFE.
School has come to an end, with the exception of exams in the next two weeks, yay...
I am looking forward to playing a shitload of guitar, painting, and playing for the next semester, seeing as I have taken the school semester off; to I suppose find myself. haha
My friend Masa and I got together the other night for "studying" and what ended up happening was... nothing related... except I checked out what was to be expected on the exam. so yay!
We got into talks about politics and social issues, which I think would make amazing podcasts, because she and I have amazing deep intellectual conversations.
We also made an interesting lasagna... haha it was tasty but... interesting.
We are also planning on making homemade lipbalms/cheek tint with beet juice. with organic and all natural ingredients. yay!
Two nights ago, I started crunchybetty.com's honey face wash challenge, and I have to say, despite it being the 2nd day I've been doing it, I think I see positive results!
I've had a nice long conversation with the lady at The Big Carrot's beauty department about toothpaste, skin care regimen, and shampoo.
For the next two weeks, I am going to take up Crunchy Betty's face wash challenge, which consists of washing my face with raw honey. It also tastes delicious.
After I rinse, I spritz rose-water, and then moisturize with rosehip seed oil.
So far so good, and it's only day 2!
I have very blemish prone skin, and thus far, I've noticed that my face feels more supple and the rose water and rosehip oil seems to have a nice calming effect on my skin.
I will try and keep this up for at least 2 more weeks, I work better with short term goals, but at the same time, I don't see a problem with this new skincare regimen that I wouldn't be able to adopt it as a longterm thing.
www.crunchybetty.com
has awesome, wicked recipes for skin care, hair care, etc. to do with food!
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
BREAK UP: DAY 3
And here we are, still maintaining contact with the ex. This time I initiated the contact... of course, because this is what happened the last time. But you know what else ended up happening the last time?
We got back together.
Stupid stupid me.
Need to acquire self discipline, as my friend Dan mentioned a few years ago. He wanted to take up some sort of Japanese style disciplinary sword art... I'm sorry the name escapes me.. Katai..yeah that was out of my ass.
Well anyways, I blame my lack of self control as a personality trait, as I am also very self indulgent when it comes to treating myself with food, and or shopping.
Maybe I just need to grow up, and stop fuelling my inner spoiled brat/princess.
Anyways back to the topic of this post. BREAK UP.
Because I got into habit of thinking about him, oh every 5 seconds, now I am forced to remove the conditioning that I imparted on myself.
Which means what? SELF CONTROL.
I was just deep in thought about how we got back together the last time.
He has a soft spoken, tender, coaxing nature about him, and will ask me small favours such as laying next to him for a few minutes, and BAM, back into the old habit I tried to kick.
Why am I so soft...!?!?
Is that really all it takes for me to forget the logical reasons as to why I no longer wanted to be with him?
---
NOPE.
I caved and visited him today. BUT realized it is only lust.
Those logical reasons for not being with him, still at the forefront of my mind. But I just miss the warmth of his arms and his smell.
I think when I am not with him, the desire is that much stronger which seems to make things more intense in my mind.
So, we didn't even kiss. nothing. I was dying to. and put it out there. But he actually said, are you sure, how do you think you will feel when you leave?
Mmmmm good point.
But he also happened to be sick. So, more reason not to... (frankly I would have done it regardless of the cold...)
So there it is. I refuse to do the friends with benefits option, because I just KNOW it complicates things, so MUST stay strong and resist temptation and all the messy things accompanied with left over feelings.
THE END. hopefully..
We got back together.
Stupid stupid me.
Need to acquire self discipline, as my friend Dan mentioned a few years ago. He wanted to take up some sort of Japanese style disciplinary sword art... I'm sorry the name escapes me.. Katai..yeah that was out of my ass.
Well anyways, I blame my lack of self control as a personality trait, as I am also very self indulgent when it comes to treating myself with food, and or shopping.
Maybe I just need to grow up, and stop fuelling my inner spoiled brat/princess.
Anyways back to the topic of this post. BREAK UP.
Because I got into habit of thinking about him, oh every 5 seconds, now I am forced to remove the conditioning that I imparted on myself.
Which means what? SELF CONTROL.
I was just deep in thought about how we got back together the last time.
He has a soft spoken, tender, coaxing nature about him, and will ask me small favours such as laying next to him for a few minutes, and BAM, back into the old habit I tried to kick.
Why am I so soft...!?!?
Is that really all it takes for me to forget the logical reasons as to why I no longer wanted to be with him?
---
NOPE.
I caved and visited him today. BUT realized it is only lust.
Those logical reasons for not being with him, still at the forefront of my mind. But I just miss the warmth of his arms and his smell.
I think when I am not with him, the desire is that much stronger which seems to make things more intense in my mind.
So, we didn't even kiss. nothing. I was dying to. and put it out there. But he actually said, are you sure, how do you think you will feel when you leave?
Mmmmm good point.
But he also happened to be sick. So, more reason not to... (frankly I would have done it regardless of the cold...)
So there it is. I refuse to do the friends with benefits option, because I just KNOW it complicates things, so MUST stay strong and resist temptation and all the messy things accompanied with left over feelings.
THE END. hopefully..
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Heartache
Question, why do we continue to subject ourselves to the pain and suffering of bad relationships?
How do you know when certain things can be tolerated and others to be breaking points?
Cheating, is a no brainer for most including myself, but what about the little jabs, worth breaking up over?
I have never cried so much over anyone as I have from being in this relationship. I was listening to the song Better Man, by Pearl Jam, and there's a line "She lies and says she's in love with him, can't find a better man."
Hmmm, okay, guilty?
Maybe I'm convincing myself of things being better than they are? AKA Denial.
I think sometimes we justify being treated a certain way because we think we cause or deserve them.
We bend the rules for someone and slowly it breaks down our strong sense of self because we've become so lenient for this other person.
Over and over we allow this other person to get away with or forgive them for terrible things.
Which, possibly, over time, causes you to lose your integrity. :(
The only thing I can think of is that you have to have a strong sense of self, to know what you will and will not put up with.
Otherwise you let people walk all over you (lightbulb) AHA that's precisely it.
The thing I am struggling with is letting go of the need to fix/save/rescue this person from themselves.
You desperately want this person to be a glowing perfect individual, but these changes are something that you cannot force them to make. Just like changing yourself, when you identify a flaw within your own character, and work on bettering yourself.
This is something I think I have have a hard time grasping, is the fact that people shouldn't change for you, but for themselves. Or rather.. CAN'T.
I feel extremely emotional, au current, but I'm hoping this will pass. I am relying heavily on moral support from friends and family.
God this is draining. I don't want this to in anyway sound like I feel sorry for myself, but I do feel pretty fucking shitty.
It really does feel like my heart has been beat up.
Someone needs to write a how to get through heartbreak guidebook.
How do you know when certain things can be tolerated and others to be breaking points?
Cheating, is a no brainer for most including myself, but what about the little jabs, worth breaking up over?
I have never cried so much over anyone as I have from being in this relationship. I was listening to the song Better Man, by Pearl Jam, and there's a line "She lies and says she's in love with him, can't find a better man."
Hmmm, okay, guilty?
Maybe I'm convincing myself of things being better than they are? AKA Denial.
I think sometimes we justify being treated a certain way because we think we cause or deserve them.
We bend the rules for someone and slowly it breaks down our strong sense of self because we've become so lenient for this other person.
Over and over we allow this other person to get away with or forgive them for terrible things.
Which, possibly, over time, causes you to lose your integrity. :(
The only thing I can think of is that you have to have a strong sense of self, to know what you will and will not put up with.
Otherwise you let people walk all over you (lightbulb) AHA that's precisely it.
The thing I am struggling with is letting go of the need to fix/save/rescue this person from themselves.
You desperately want this person to be a glowing perfect individual, but these changes are something that you cannot force them to make. Just like changing yourself, when you identify a flaw within your own character, and work on bettering yourself.
This is something I think I have have a hard time grasping, is the fact that people shouldn't change for you, but for themselves. Or rather.. CAN'T.
I feel extremely emotional, au current, but I'm hoping this will pass. I am relying heavily on moral support from friends and family.
God this is draining. I don't want this to in anyway sound like I feel sorry for myself, but I do feel pretty fucking shitty.
It really does feel like my heart has been beat up.
Someone needs to write a how to get through heartbreak guidebook.
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